Susan's Tale
by happy-end
Summary: Set after the last battle! Susan is trying to deal with the death of her beloved ones when the past catches up with her. Movieverse. Susan/Caspian.
1. Chapter 1: Seven Tombstones

_**So here it is - this was my first fanfiction I've ever wrote - and I didn't take the time to work it over once more - so be nice please! :) **_

_**It's movieverse, but it's set after the last battle! It's about Susan's life after her siblings died and how she deals with it.... **_

_**I wrote this because I didn't like how Susan's character develops in C. books and because I wasn't pleased with her end - but as C.S. Lewis said her story wasn't finished - so read on!! :) **_

_**Hope you like it! Enjoy reading! :)  
**_

* * *

The way the young woman knelt in the grass, sobbing and shaking, she looked rather like a desperate child than the queen she had once been, the queen who had once reigned over a prosperous country and who had shared both defeat and victory in battles.

But the grief about the deaths of those, who valued the most to her, shadowed not only the sovereign, she had once been, known as Queen Susan, the Gentle, but also the person she had become during the last years, the Susan, who was interested in nothing but nylons, lipsticks, and invitations.

She didn't care about the people at her back, who had pity on the woman, who had lost all of her beloved ones. She didn't care about her sobbingly aunt, who cried for her little son, whom she had to burry. She didn't even think of her mother, who was in hospital, because she couldn't handle the death of three of her most beloved children.

All she could think of where the people, whose names were written on the tombstones in front of her. She moved forward to touch the grey, cold stones once more to ensure that this wasn't just a horrible nightmare. But all that was real, all that tragedy had really happened.

Professor Kirke, who had given her family and herself a home, who had cared for them when their parents weren't able to, his friend Polly Plummer, Eustace, her dear cousin, who had after all become a quite likeable companion, his friend Lily Pole, Lucy, oh dear little Lucy, who had never lost her faith and who had always known when it was time for a comforting hug, Edmund, who had always defended his family, who had always known the right words to comfort her and Peter, who had always been there, to keep everything moving, to make everything right, on whom she could count no matter what time or situation – all of them were gone, just gone. She would never be able to talk to them again or to laugh with them. She couldn't even imagine a world without them.

Suddenly a young man's hand touched her shoulder.

She shrieked and cried out, „Just let me alone! Why can't you just let me be?"

"I just wanted to tell you that everyone has gone and that I wait at the car for you to bring you to your uncle's house!" the young man said softly.

The young woman nodded and heard the footsteps going away from her. She wasn't able to shed anymore tears, so she looked up to the sky and cried, "Why did you do this to me? What have I done wrong to have such a fate? Why did they have to die? They weren't supposed to die! It wasn't their time to go!"

Then her desperation changed into anger! No, she had long before stopped to believe in god or anything like that, she had long ago lost her faith and that was just another proof, that there existed nothing like a god! If there was a god, he wouldn't have let all her beloved ones die!

Then as she stood up, she made her decision. She wouldn't let this destroy her! She would concentrate on the other things that made her life worth living.

A short thought crossed her mind "What other things? Are there any other things?", but she abandoned this thought very quickly. She reminded herself of her friends and of Eric. Eric, who was waiting for her at the car, who cared for her like her brothers and sister had done. But did he really?

Then as she wiped away her tears, she wiped away her doubts as well. She straightened her skirt, arranged her hair and set a smile on her face. She walked away over the lawn, away from those hurting memories, she had buried together with her brothers, sister and friends.

No, she wouldn't let this destroy her!

Eric leaned against his car and was just about to light a cigarette, when he saw the young woman coming over to him. Her black skirt, her black blouse and her dark curls emphasized her pale skin. She had a smile on her bride red lips, but in her swollen blue eyes you could still see the pain and grief she had suffered.

She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek and said, "Thank you for waiting. We can go now!"

"You look much better now!" he said with a smile and opened the car door for her.

She smiled back and watched the young handsome man getting on the car. He looked extremely attractive in his black suite with his dark hair and his friendly brown eyes.

"You know, I realized that I have to accept that they are gone! I can't let the grief control my life!" she stated, "So, when is our next invitation?"

Eric laughed, took her hand and kissed it softly. "That's the Susan I fell in love with!"

* * *

Susan was just preparing for a dinner party, when she heard a soft knock on her door.

"Enter", she said shortly, while covering her lips with lipstick.

When she looked around, she saw her uncle coming in.

"Susan, my dear! I just wanted to say, that you are welcomed to stay with us as long as you want to. If you need anything just ask! I think your mother is also coming to stay with us after hospital until she has recovered fully. You know, it's a very hard time and we need to stick together as a family!" he looked surprised when he recognized the way she was dressed.

"What are you preparing for?"

"I am going to a dinner party with Eric!" she said shortly, like it was the most normal thing to do for her, straightening her elegant cocktail dress.

"Susan, you buried your brothers and your sister yesterday, your mother is in hospital and all you think of today is going out!" he didn't understand her behaviour.

"And what am I supposed to do? To lock myself up in my room, away from the world and cry for them? I have to move on! They would have wanted me to be happy!" she almost shouted, her voice filling with anger.

"You can't deny your true feelings! Susan, it's ok to grieve! If you don't act out your feelings, they will destroy you from the inside! Everybody knows what they meant to you. You need to…"

"You don't know what I need to do! I am not a child! I can do whatever I want! It's not of your business!" pointed Susan out, her glassy eyes looking straight into her uncle's stunned ones.

After a short break she went on, more calmly this time, "And this evening I am going to go out with Eric. So please, let me alone, so that I can prepare myself!"

"Susan, you know it's not only for you a hard time, but for all of us. So maybe you could start thinking about the others as well! And as you are living in my house, under my supervision at the moment I want you to be home at midnight!" and with these words he left the room before Susan could even object.

Sighing Susan sat back in her armchair and observed herself in the mirror. How could he dare say that she was only thinking of herself? She had always been the one who watched out and cared for others, she had always been the gentle one!

* * *

That night Susan dreamed as she often did of memories with her brothers and her sister, but she only saw snatches of different situations and conversations.

_First she saw them all in the room with the wardrobe in professor Kirke's house:_

"_Not all of us have so much imagination like you Lucy!" Peter said. _

"_But I didn't think that out!" Lucy defended herself. _

"_Lucy, that's enough!" Susan heard herself saying. _

_Then they were suddenly in the middle of a wonderful winter land, laughing and throwing snowballs at each other. _

_Then within another moment they stood in front of a beaver, who explained to them, "So Aslan's return, Mr. Tumnus' arrest, the secret police, that's all happening because of you!" _

"_You are blaming us for what's happening?" she asked confused _

"_No, we don't blame you, we thank you!" the beaver's wife said. _

_Thereafter Peter, Lucy and she were speaking to Father Christmas. He gave a bow and some arrows to Susan, explaining, "Trust in that bow, Susan, and he will never miss his target!" _

"_But didn't you say war was something horrible?" Susan wondered. _

_After that she was crossing a frozen river, talking to Peter, "If mum knew what we are doing!" - "Mum isn't here!" he said shortly, leaving no time for a comment. _

_She saw herself practicing archery, Lucy throwing her and Edmund and Peter battling with their swords. Then Lucy and she were grieving for a great lion lying dead on a stone table, but in the next moment that animal was standing in front of them with all his glory and pride! _

_She saw her brothers, sister and herself fooling about in the water, standing at ruins, fighting in battles and celebrating victory! And then she was staring at a handsome young man with wonderful dark hair, a muscular body and warm chocolate-brown eyes. One moment later they were kissing and she felt her legs turning to jelly. _

Suddenly she startled and found herself sitting upright in her bed. The sun was just about to rise and the first shafts of sunlight where enlightening the room. Why did she always dream of those stupid games they used to play when they were children, she asked herself. She didn't want to remember that time, it was hurting too much.

* * *

_**So what do you think? Did you like it? :) I know it's a rather short chapter - sorry for that! **_

_**If you want to make me happy (I am sure you all want to ;)) leave me a review! :) **_

_**And just to give you a little hint - there'll be more of Narnia and Caspian in this story ;) .. **_

_**I'll update soon - till then have a nice day :)  
**_


	2. Chapter 2: Remembering Faith

**_Enjoy reading :) .... _**

* * *

When she entered the dining room, her uncle looked up from his newspaper, and her aunt wiped away some tears off her cheek.

"Good morning" Susan said, sitting down at the table, pouring herself some tea into a cup.

"Good morning, darling! Did you sleep well?" her aunt asked, obviously trying to put herself together.

"Quite well, thanks" was the short answer.

"What do you want to eat? Some toast?" the elder woman tried to keep up the conversation.

"No thanks, I am not hungry!" Susan informed.

"But you need to eat something, you look rather pale and exhausted!" her aunt worried.

"I feel good, thanks!" she assured.

Then her uncle handed her over an envelope, "You got a letter from professor Kirke's lawyer!" She took it, considered to read it later in private, but then opened the letter and after reading the lines, she looked rather surprised.

"What is it my dear?" her aunt asked.

"He handed all his property, his estate and his money, down to me!" she said unbelieving, she had never expected this, she had always thought Mrs. Macready or another relative was going to inherit it.

"That's very generous! I am sure you will look after it very well!" her uncle said pleased, "And if you want me to help you, you only have to ask!"

"At first maybe you could go to the lawyer with me. I have to sign some documents" asking herself what else she had to do to look after an estate.

* * *

"Oh Susan, that's wonderful! Professor Krike is very generous!" Mrs. Pevensie was very pleased. Susan was visiting her in hospital.

"Yes, Mum he was indeed! And Mrs. Macready has agreed to look after it until I know what I am going to do!" she explained to her mother, taking her hand softly, "And how are you?"

"It's getting better. I think I am able to leave hospital this weekend. But I can't go home, too many memories ..." her voice broke down and Susan gave her a short comforting hug, "We are going to stay with your aunt and your uncle, until we know what to do, if that's ok for you."

"Of course mum, as long as you want to!" Susan assured to her mother.

"So how are you, what are you doing the whole day?" Mrs. Pevensie changed the subject and Susan told her about her latest invitations and the time she had spent with Eric.

* * *

The next day Eric picked up Susan very early in the morning, he had invited her to spend two days with him at his father's stud in the south of England near the sea. Her uncle had agreed reluctantly. It was a beautiful warm day and their view over the landscape, while they were driving, was breath-taking.

When they arrived at midday, Susan was astonished by the beauty of the estate. On both sides of a long alley there were wide grazing lands with beautiful grazing horses, and at the end of it there was a gorgeous house out of grey and white stones with grand windows and a beautiful looking veranda. On the right side of the house were the stables, a big white house out of wood, where many horses were looking out of their boxes.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Eric laughed about her astonished face, then took her hand softly and led her into the house. He made a quick tour through the house with her, one room more magnificent than the other, introduced her to the personal, before showing her her chambers. It was beautifully arranged but the best thing about it was the view. It was breathtaking. When Susan looked outside the window, she looked over hills, with wide green grassland and she could even sea the dark blue sea.

"It's wonderful!" Susan didn't know what else to say, so she covered his lips with hers and gave him a passionate kiss. He responded and pulled her close.

After breaking away from each other, he asked her, "Do you want to go for a ride, maybe to the sea to go swimming?"

Her face lightened up in delight and she nodded, "That would be great!"

"I let you alone, so that you can get dressed and we meet in half an hour in the entrance hall.

An hour later she was sitting on a beautiful white mare, galloping next to Eric over the green countryside towards the beach. It had been a long time ago since her last ride and she enjoyed flying over the grass, with the wind in her hair. First Eric had been a bit worried, because he didn't know how well Susan was able to ride, but when he saw her on the horse, with a bride smile on her lips, she looked like she had done this before a million times.

When they reached the beach, the young couple dismounted and tied the horses to trees at the border of the woods. Eric slipped off his clothes, except for his swimming trunks. Susan's eyes locked Eric's bare chest and she blushed. Then, unassertive Susan took off her clothes as well, until she only wore her swimming suite.

Eric couldn't get his eyes away from her, she looked so amazing. Her hair had been tousled by the wind, her cheeks were red from embarrassment and the swimming suite showed much naked skin, which made him want to touch her. He wanted to pull her close, but she already headed towards the cold waves.

The water was cold, but as it was such a warm day, the cooling water in the nick of time.

Susan swam a while, then turned around and saw Eric approaching her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, bringing her closer. They treaded water together for a little while. Susan leaned into him and felt a thrill run through her as their bodies touched. She quickly broke away and swam to the coast.

Eric followed her, gave her a bath towel and they laid on the warm sand facing each other. Talking in low voices, they talked about the stud. Finally, their free hands came together, their long fingers interlacing. In the midst of things, they began to kiss. It started out gentle, chaste, then started to grow into something more. Eric rolled on top of her, their bodies pressed together. Susan pushed him away, moving him onto his back.

"What are we doing?" Susan asked her voice confused and breathy.

"Kissing," he answered, grinning mischievously.

"That's inappropriate!" her severe blue eyes looking straight into his brown eyes, which were filled with desire. She flushed and continued "I think we should ride home!"

With this she stood up and headed towards the horses.

* * *

"You look like an angel!" his brown eyes locked her face, then her body and her dress. She was gowned in a brilliant red that swept low across pale shoulders. Every curve was defined by the clinging fabric and corset, flaring out into full skirts. Her hair was mostly loose under a small silver diadem, falling to her waist, but for one thin section behind one ear.

Her lips were red like blood and her skin pale as ever. Susan smiled, her cheeks flushing.

They had had dinner in the garden, in the middle of hundreds of roses, the only light coming from two candles on the table. Slow music was playing in the background.

Now Eric stood up, walked over to her and held out his hand. "May I ask for this dance, my lady?"

Without a word she placed her hand on his and stood up.

Eric took her in his arms and they began to dance. His dark eyes locked on hers, he held her close, his hand splayed possessively against the small of her back. They moved gracefully together over the lawn. She leaned her head against his chest and sighed. "Thank you for the wonderful day!"

"It's not over yet!" Eric said, breaking away from her.

He dropped down on one knee. Susan's eyes widened. His eyes met hers and he smiled, his gaze filled with longing. "Susan, it's not only tonight that you look breath-taking, in my eyes you are always beautiful. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

Susan's heart stopped in her chest at his words. She didn't know what to answer. Sure, Eric was handsome, amiable, rich, a perfect gentleman and in fact the perfect husband, but did she really love him, did she really want to spend the rest of her life with him?

She looked down at him meeting his interrogative gaze. She hesitated and then despite her doubts she answered, "Yes, Eric. I will marry you!"

Rapture lit Eric's face and he rose to his feet, fluidly capturing Susan in his arms and lifting her off her feet. Then he lowered Susan back to the ground, took out a brilliant silver diamante ring and placed it on her finger. He leaned in and covered her mouth with his, giving her a passionate kiss.

* * *

This night Susan couldn't fell asleep for a long time and when she finally did she dreamed again of the handsome young man with wonderful dark hair, a muscular body and warm chocolate-brown eyes.

"_I wish we had more time together." Caspian said in his wonderful Spanish accent, looking down at her astonishing blue eyes. _

"_It would never have worked anyway." Susan didn't know who she wanted to comfort with this lie, him or herself. _

"_Why not?" he asked disappointed. _

"_I am 1300 years older than you!" she pointed out. _

_With this she walked towards her siblings but suddenly she turned around, ran to his arms and kissed him passionately. Slowly the world melted away from around them. _

_It seemed like an eternity until they broke apart, breathing heavily. Chocolate-brown eyes met blue ones. But he didn't want to let her go and so he hugged her and held her tight. _

_When she finally stepped away from him, she had a smile on her face. This moment, she swore to herself, she would never forget. _

But when Susan woke up late the next morning, she already had like she had done before forgotten the moment and the dream. Although she knew she had dreamed of her past, she didn't remember the situation, but she could feel a strange feeling in her stomach.

* * *

As it was already 11 o'clock she dressed herself quickly and went down to eat breakfast.

"How are you, darling? You look tired! Didn't you sleep well last night?" Eric worried.

They were on their last ride before they were going to return to London. Susan, who was again riding the beautiful white mare, turned to him and asked with a naughty voice, "So you think I am not looking good today?"

"No, you look always beautiful in my eyes, you know that! But you look pale! Do you regret your answer?" he asked unassertive.

"No, it's just … it's nothing! I feel fine!" she said, although her voice didn't sound that certain.

"Are you uncertain because I didn't ask you uncle for permission to marry you yet? You know I am going to ask him immediately when we arrive!" he tried to comfort her.

"That's no problem for me. I am going to marry you no matter what he says. In my opinion it's not his business!" she answered and spurred the mare, galloping away to put an end to the conversation.

During their way back to London Susan made up for the time she hadn't been able to sleep the night before. Once in a while Eric glanced contently at his beautiful wife-to-be. When they arrived in London, they separated, Eric wanted to ask her uncle for the permission and Susan went to her room to get changed. When she went back downstairs to the living room, Eric had already gone and her uncle was waiting for her.

* * *

"Hello my dear, did you have nice days in the countryside?" he asked.

"I had a great time!" Susan answered.

"I need to talk to you! Your friend Eric asked for my permission to marry you!" he told her and when Susan didn't comment on it he continued, "I guess that means he already asked you!"

"Yes, he did and I said yes, and I hope you did the same today!" she explained to him.

"I told him that I wanted to speak to you first!" he informed her, "Susan, do you really want to marry him? You are only 20 years old; you still have plenty of time to marry! I don't want you to jump the gun on such an important thing. I know you lost much of your family, but that doesn't mean you have to build up a new one immediately – you still have family, you have your mother, you aunt and me. We are not going to let you down or leave you!"

"So you doubt my feelings for him?" she asked coldly, her blue eyes as cold as ice.

"No, but please don't rush it! I think you are acting like that because you don't want to think about the latest events. You want to concentrate on other things! But Susan you need to close a matter before you start a new one. So I asked you and I want a true answer! Do you do this because of Peter, Edmund and Lucy? Do you do this because they aren't with you anymore?"

"I don't want to talk about them! And I don't need your permission to marry Eric! You aren't my father or my brother! You neither have the right to tell me what to do, nor the knowledge of what I feel!" she shouted in anger.

"As long as you live in my house, I have the responsibility for you and you do what I say, do we understand young lady. And I don't like how you are talking with me at the moment. I accepted your behaviour so far because I know it's a hard time for you but it's enough!" he appoint, his voice sounding authoritarian and assertive.

"I am not dependent on you or your house." Susan screamed, running out of the room.

She ran upstairs to her room, throw some clothes and her money into a baggage but then she hesitated. Where should she go? To Eric? No, she didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment. The best thing was to go home, to Finchley at first. Then she would think of what to do next!

* * *

She had taken the underground and now she was standing in front of their house. Many memories came to her mind – Peter, Edmund, Lucy and herself playing in the garden, hurrying down the stairs to go to school.

She went up the stairs, opened the door with her key and walked in slowly. She took a deep breath and entered, the smell was so familiar to her. Susan didn't know why she had come here; she had known that the memories would hurt.

Shoes were lying higgledy-piggledy on the floor and she remembered herself always reminded the boys and Lucy to deposit them properly.

She crossed the kitchen and the dishtowel reminded her of Edmund complaining because he had to do the dishes. In the living room the chessboard, where Edmund used to defeat Peter, caught her eye.

When Susan went upstairs she thought of Lucy, who had always glided down the stair rail.

When she went upstairs she looked into every room, she didn't know what she had expected but they were all empty and all of them increased her pain a little bit more. In Peter's chambers she watched outside the window, facing the little garden where they used to play cricket.

As her gaze moved around the room, Susan suddenly caught sight of an envelope on the desk. She went over and took it, her fingers tracing the word written on it – Susan.

She sat down on Peter's bed and hesitated. Would reading this hurt her even more? But her curiosity won.

She opened it, recognized Peter's hand-writing and began to read the lines.

_Dear Susan, _

_Currently Professor Krike, his friend Polly Plummer, Eustace, Lily, Edmund, Lucy and I are trying to get back to Narnia! King Tirian has asked for our help! I don't know what has happened when you read this letter! I don't know when and if we are going to return from Narnia! And I don't even know if you remember Narnia! _

_Susan, I know the memory is hurting, but you have to memorize the good things we have experienced there! Do not forget the time we have spent there together! Do not forget us! _

_Please Susan, remember the Queen you have once been, the Queen you can be once more if you want to! _

_But most important – have FAITH! Please Susan, have faith in yourself, in Narnia and in Aslan and we will meet in eternity again! _

_Once a queen in Narnia, always a queen in Narnia! _

_Love Peter_

Tears were running down her cheeks and she felt weak. Her fingers couldn't hold the letter anymore, so it fell down to the floor. She laid down on the bed, her knees up to her stomach, sobbing and shaking and closed her eyes. She just wanted to sleep! She wanted this to be over!

That night Susan dreamed again of the memories with her brothers and her sister, but this time she did not only see snatches of different situations and conversations, but their whole journeys to Narnia:

"_Lucy says that she has discovered a magical country in the wardrobe upstairs." were the first words she heard herself saying. _

"_If she isn't crazy and she doesn't lie, we should, thinking logically, assume that she is telling the truth! She is you sister, isn't she? And you are her family – so you should act like one!" Professor Kirke explained to Peter and her. _

_Then she saw them exploring this wonderful winter land, talking to Mr. and Mrs. Beaver, who told them about Aslan, the true king of Narnia and the prophesy. The prophesy that said that two sons of Adam and two daughters of Eve are meant to defeat the white witch and to restore Narnia to freedom and peace. She saw their shocked faces when they were told that they were those heroes and when they realised that their brother has betrayed to the witch, who wanted to kill all of them. _

_Thereafter Peter, Lucy and she were speaking to Father Christmas, who told them that they had brought hope to Narnia and all Narnians. He gave a bow and some arrows to Susan, explaining, "Trust in that bow, Susan, and he will never miss his target!" _

_In addition he gave her a horn, with whom she was able to call for help no matter where she was. He reproved them that the things he had given them weren't toys but implements. _

_She dreamed of their first meeting with Aslan with all his glory, fairness and goodness. _

_She saw herself practicing archery, Lucy throwing her and Edmund and Peter battling with their swords._

_And once more she had to watch Aslan die, one of the most dreadful memories. But then she saw him standing in front of them, explaining that sacrifice can even defeat death! _

_With his help they had been able to defeat the white witch and to ascend the thrones to rule over Narnia. _

_She heard Aslan when he appointed her Queen Susan, the Gentle, when he told them "Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia!" _

_Although it had been quite difficult to have so much responsibility, they had enjoyed the time in Narnia and it had been more difficult to return to England. They had been so happy when they found themselves in Narnia a second time, even though so much had changed since their last stay. _

_Susan saw them fighting on the side of Prince Caspian and the Narnians to defeat the Telmarines to give back the throne to the rightful king and restore freedom to all Narnians. _

_She saw them loosing so many soldiers and friends at the Telmarine castle. Thereafter Lucy and she had ridden out to call Aslan for help and again Aslan has helped them to win over the evil. _

_And then Aslan told them that they wouldn't come back to Narnia and that they had learned everything they could in this world. Although it had been difficult they had accepted his decision, because they had faith in him. _

When Susan woke up early the next morning, she had remembered almost everything. Almost! The only thing she didn't know, she couldn't explain to herself, was how and because of what she had forgotten all this for so long. How could she forget such an important part of her life? She had accepted the fact that Narnia wasn't her world to live anymore, so what else had been so painful to deny Narnia's existence?

But there was one thing that gave her hope. Maybe her siblings weren't dead; maybe they just gave up their lives here to go to Narnia. Maybe she would be able to see them again. She needed to figure out a way how!

She needed answers and she knew where to go to find them!

* * *

_**Well what do you think? .. I would really like to hear your thoughts!! :) **_

_**hope you like it!! :) A review would be great! :) **_


	3. Chapter 3: Visitors from another World

_**Enjoy reading! **_

* * *

And now she was standing in front of it.

The house, that buried so many memories of her brothers and sister, of their time together and Narnia. She remembered when she and her siblings had seen it first. They were astonished by its bigness but it hadn't felt like home for a long time.

At first they had been terribly afraid of Mrs. Macready, the housekeeper and for a long time they hadn't met and known the Professor. She and her siblings hadn't been allowed to play or make noise and they had been terribly bored.

But then Lucy had found the magical land in the wardrobe, Narnia. First of course they hadn't believed her! Who would believe in a magical country, which you can enter through a wardrobe?

However after Lucy had proved the existence of Narnia to them, they had together experienced this magical land, she and her siblings had learned about its secrets, its legends and its hopes, that they would defeat the white witch and restore freedom and peace in Narnia.

Throughout their journey she and her siblings had learned so many things; they had learned to have responsibility, to trust in each other, they had grown together and when they had come back, which had been extremely difficult to them, they had been closer than before.

She took a deep breath, noticing the wonderful smell of trees and grass and stepped up to the door. Then Susan hesitated; would Mrs. Macready let her in? Would she be angry because Susan had run away from her home? No, after all this house was her own, she had the right to be here!

So she knocked at the door, a second time, a third time. Then after several minutes she heard footsteps approaching the door. The door opened and a surprised Mrs. Macready was standing in front of her.

"What are you doing here?" Mrs. Macready asked confused.

Susan blushed; what should she say? That she had run away?

"I just wanted to spend some days in the country!" she finally answered.

"Then come in my dear. Anyway it's your house!" Mrs. Macready said, trying to put a smile on her lips. It was obvious that she wasn't happy about the sudden visit.

Mrs. Macready had made Susan some sandwiches and had shown her the room, where she could sleep. Although Susan didn't feel quite welcomed, she was content to be here once more. Her first way led her to the room with the wardrobe.

The room was exactly like it used to be. Actually there weren't many things you could have changed about this room. It was still dusty and the only thing standing in it was the big wardrobe.

Susan remembered herself and her siblings standing in front of it.

"_Not all of us have so much imagination like you Lucy!" Peter said. _

"_But I didn't think that out!" Lucy defended herself. _

"_Lucy, that's enough!" Susan heard herself saying. _

They had been quite mean to her and when they had realised she had been speaking the truth, they had known that an "I am sorry" wouldn't suffice.

Slowly Susan approached the wardrobe, opened it and stepped in. But there was nothing else than coats and jackets in there. Disappointed Susan knocked against the wood outside and inside the wardrobe. But nothing happened. She searched every inch of the wardrobe about a hundred times with no results. Frustrated she searched in the whole house for any sign, she looked in every footlocker, behind every tapestry. She even combed through the Professor's office but found nothing.

* * *

In the evening Mrs. Macready came to her room and brought her some sandwiches.

"I have phoned your uncle. He told me what has happened." Mrs. Macready informed Susan.

'Is she going to send me home?' Susan thought, but before she could say anything the old housekeeper continued. "He agreed that you are going to stay some time here and that I am going to look after you!"

Susan looked surprised. She hadn't expected that and Mrs. Macready sounded even nice.

"Thank you!"

"You're welcome!" And with this Mrs. Macready left the room.

* * *

The next morning Susan took a walk through the gardens, where her siblings and she had played cricket years ago. She was desperate, she had come here to find answers, and she had thought that everything would be clear once she was where they had first discovered Narnia.

But she was as helpless as before.

Then suddenly she felt cold and smelled the sickening stench of death. She froze when she heard a harsh voice behind her, "I am glad we meet at last, your Majesty!"

Susan turned around shocked. In front her there was standing a creature, she had never seen before. It was much larger than a man, with four arms and the head of a vulture. Obviously it knew her but it didn't seem like it just came over to have tea with her, as he had a sword in one of his arms.

Susan wanted to scream but her voice didn't work. She turned around, ran to the house door and then upstairs. Where should she hide? He was going to find her, no matter where she was.

She could feel that it was going after her, she could feel the cold.

The Wardrobe! It was the place, where they had once been hiding form Mrs. Macready, although you couldn't compare Mrs. Macready even on her worst day with this creature.

'Please Aslan, if you hear me, I need help!' she sent a prayer towards the sky.

Susan opened the wardrobe and there they were, her gifts from Father Christmas, lying in the wardrobe like they had always been there waiting for her. She was barely able to draw the bow, when the door was pushed open.

"Not a very warm welcome, your Majesty!" the creature said, stopping in the door.

"Who are you?" her voice sharp and confident once more, now that she was in possess of her bow and her arrows.

"You are right we should preserve the etiquette. I am Tash, the patron god of the ruling class of Calormen." he laughed malicious.

"What do you want? What are you doing in my world?" Susan asked confused, her heart beating faster. He was from Narnia, so if he was able to come to her world, so maybe he knew how she coul go back there.

"Your dear brother High King Peter banished me from Narnia and here I am in this grey bleak world, seeking for revench!" At this words Susan shot her first arrow but the creature just waved with his arm and the arrow fell to the ground. Confused and shocked she shot another three, but no matter how fast she was, they never hit their target. That was something Susan wasn't used to, the bow had never failed her.

"You think your christmas gift can defeat me, a god?" he waved with his arm again and Susan's bow fell to the floor as her arrows had done before.

Susan stumbled back and fell to the ground. "Aslan help me!" she screamed.

"Scream as much as you want. Aslan won't help you, not in this world!" Tash said with a sardonic laugh.

Then Susan suddenly felt the horn in her right hand. Hoping that somebody might hear her, she blew it as strong as she was able to.

"Another christmas gift won't help you either! They can't hear you!" he said, moving forward to her. Another wave with his hands and she was thrown against the wall.

Susan was helpless, being at the mercy of this dangerous creature and his sword.

Then suddenly there was a loud outcry and a young man jumped out the wardrobe, crossing his sword with the god. Tash seemed confused but countered every attack of his offender first.

But the attacker was a very good swordsman and he was able to unarm his opponent. They faced each other for a brief moment and before the young man could attack Tash, the god lifted one arm, pointing at Susan.

The young woman suddenly felt like and invisble hand was choking her, she moved her hands to her throat, gasping for air.

"One move and she is going to die!" he said, looking at the young man triumphantly.

The attacker stopped, looking shocked. "Don't hurt her!" he said with a spanish accent, dropping his sword.

Then while dropping his sword to the floor, he suddenly took three knives out of his boots, throwing them at his opponent. The young man moved so quickly, that Susan didn't even recognized it before the knives where stick in the creature's body.

In shock Tash let Susan go and disappeared with the words "You are going to regret this!"

The young man turned around and his dark brown eyes met Susan's frightened blue eyes. Suddenly Susan could feel a horrible pain in her heart, like somebody had stabbed it.

* * *

_**Well I guess all of you can guess who the attacker is? ... I hope you liked it! Tell me your thoughts! **_

_**Sorry for the short chapter - next one is going to be longer! ... :) **_


	4. Chapter 4: Once a Queen of Narnia

_**Enjoy reading :) ... **_

* * *

The young man turned around and his dark brown eyes met Susan's frightened blue eyes. Suddenly Susan could feel a horrible pain in her heart, like somebody had stabbed it.

And then all of a sudden she knew it. She knew why she had forgotten about Narnia. She remembered the most painful memories of her life, that caused her to push away all the other memories as well.

She saw herself falling in love with this wonderful handsome dark haired young man with his warm chocolate-brown eyes and muscular shoulders. She saw herself kissing him and saying good-bye. She saw herself lying in her bedroom, shaking and sobbing, grieving for the love she had lost. She heard Lucy telling her "He's married!". And she felt her heart breaking into two a second time.

"Susan, are you ok?" the young man worried, dropping next to her on the floor.

"What are you doing here?" Susan asked confused. This had to be a dream, this couldn't be real.

"Aslan sent me. You asked for helped, you blew the horn and as a queen of Narnia you will always receive help! Once a queen of Narnia, always a queen of Narnia!" he told her softly.

"Did you see my family, are they ok?" Were they really still alive?

"Yes, they are fine! But they are missing you!" he assured her.

"But why didn't Aslan send them to help me? Why you?" she asked nearly sounding angry.

"Their time in this world is over, they've died here. They couldn't come back!" the young man informed her.

"Why didn't they take me with them? Why did I have to remain in this world?" she asked herself lost in thought.

The young man held out his hand to help her up, but Susan didn't take it. She didn't want to touch him; she didn't want to be near him.

"Can you bring me back, back to them?" she looked at the young man pleading.

"Sorry, but that's beyond my power!" he said sadly.

"Then why are you here? I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you!" she shouted at him, tears running down her cheeks.

"I am here because Aslan wanted me to help you! Because I wanted to help you …" his voice broke down.

"If you can't get them back to me, I don't want your help!" she screamed, her glassy furious eyes looking everywhere but in his.

"But Tash is going to come back and you can't defeat him on your own!" his dark brown eyes looked sad.

"I don't need your protection. I am perfectly capable to defend myself!" Susan yelled at him.

"You nearly died today. Sorry, but no matter how angry you are at me I am not going to leave you unprotected!" the young man said firmly.

Susan gasped for air, looking furious but she didn't know what to say. As she didn't want to be near him anymore, she stood up and flounced out of the room, shot a last cold look back at the young man. "Fine, then stay out of my way!"

And with this she left the confused Caspian in the room.

He was astonished by her beauty. She was even more beautiful than he had remembered her, if this could be possible. And he was confused by her behaviour. Why had Susan reacted that way? He had thought that she would be happy to see him again, or at least thankful that he had rescued her. Had he been the only one who had fallen in love at their first meeting? Had he been the only one who had dreamed every night and day of them together? Had he just imagined their love?

Susan ran down the corridor, trying to get as much space between them as possible.

"Susan, wait!" the voice with the Spanish accent sounded behind her. She heard his footsteps running after her and then she could feel his warm hand upon her shoulder, turning her around softly.

And for the first time her sapphire blue eyes locked with his chocolate brown ones. Susan could see worry and uncertainty in his eyes and she felt how her body grew calmer while looking in his warm eyes. Caspian could see the pain she had suffered in her eyes. Her blue eyes didn't look proud or cold anymore, but sad. There was silence and they just drank in the sight of each other, their faces just inches apart from each other.

Then Susan broke this silence. "What are you doing here, Caspian?" she nearly whispered, feeling her pain increasing when she spoke out his name.

"I am here because I care for you. Because I missed you! Didn't you miss me?" he enjoyed her nearness. But with her being so near to him, he couldn't think properly. He couldn't resist the temptation and leaned in to kiss her.

But Susan turned away, her eyes glittering with tears. "You're married, Caspian!"

He stepped back, looking surprised. "No, not anymore. She died a long time ago!"

"You married her. You chose her. You moved on and forgot about me!" she shouted, her entire body shaking.

Caspian looked shocked. "It was my duty to my country. I needed to marry and produce an heir. I married her, but I never loved her. Susan, you were the only woman I ever loved. I never forgot about you. I dreamed of you every day and every night."

And with these words he grabbed her shoulders, pulling her closer, covering her mouth with his. She was responding before she even knew what he was doing, moving her hands to his neck. Caspian pressed her fully against him, sliding his arms around her waist. He gently bit her lower lip, and she opened beneath him. She nearly drowned in the sensation, but at the first touch of his tongue against hers, she pulled away.

"We can't do this!" she said hoarsely.

"Susan, I am sorry! Look ..."

"You moved on, and I moved on as well! I am engaged!" and with these words she turned around, leaving him again, but this time he wasn't confused but shocked and hurt. He hadn't thought about that. That she might have found another man, whom she loved.

* * *

Susan slammed the door behind her and took a deep breath. She needed to calm down. So much has happened in the last ten minutes. She had been attacked by a god and Caspian had been her knight in shining armour. And she had kissed him. She had felt so wonderful and safe in his arms. But she was engaged and Eric was a wonderful man. She needed to focus on that!

The good thing about her experiences, she had learned that her brothers and sisters weren't dead and that gave her hope, although she didn't know how to get to them.

And now she needed to calm done and think about a plan. She knew that Caspian wouldn't leave her, and to be honest she was quite glad about that. She felt helpless against this god, although she would have never admitted that.

But she needed a hiding-place for him! Mrs. Macready wouldn't allow him to stay, even though it was Susan's house. And she could come home any moment!

After another deep breath, she walked out of the room. Caspian was still standing in the corridor, where she had left him, looking a bit lost. Susan stopped some feet away from him, so that both of them could think clearly.

"If you really want to stay, we need to hide you, until we have thought about something else. Mrs. Macready, the housekeeper wouldn't allow a strange man to stay!" she explained to him, forcing a smile on her lips.

Caspian nodded understandingly "I don't want to cause any more problems!"

"I think the best place is the attic. Follow me!"

The attic was very dusty and much different furniture was standing higgledy-piggledy in the room. Susan made a quite comfortable sleeping place out of an old mattress and some blankets. She brought Caspian some old clothes from the professor to wear, some books to read and some sandwiches. Then she left him, reminding him to be quiet and promising that she would check on him as soon as possible.

After she left him, she went to the room with the wardrobe again. Caspian had entered her world through it, so maybe she could now enter Narnia through. But as the last time she checked, it was till only a wardrobe with coats and jackets in it.

When Mrs. Macready went to her room for an afternoon-nap, Susan sneaked upstairs.

Caspian was just reading in one of the books. He had changed his clothes and was now wearing some of the professor's clothes. They were a bit too large, but that didn't bothered.

When he saw Susan coming in, he gave her a warm smile.

She sat on a chair some feet away from Caspian.

"Tell me, how are my siblings? What has happened in Narnia? Who is this Tash?" she asked curiously. Although it might hurt her, she needed to find out what has happened.

Caspian took a while before he answered, "Tash is the patron god of the ruling class of Calormen. The Narnians call him a demon and he has done several bad things, so he was banished by the command of High King Peter and in the name of Aslan!"

"So Peter, Edmund, Luca, Eustace, Lily, Professor Kirke and Polly, they are al in Narnia? All of them are fine?"

"Yes, they are but …"

"And who is King Tirian? Peter mentioned him in his letter!"

"Well, .. he is…" obviously Caspian didn't know what to tell her, "He's the current king in Narnia!"

"So he is your son?" Susan concluded.

"No, eh … "

"Don't you have any children?" Susan asked sounding a bit sad, when she thought about him having children with another woman.

"Yes, one son but … his time as a king was a long time ago!" he finally said.

"How much time has passed in Narnia since my last visit?"

"About 250 years!", Caspian answered, deciding to tell her the truth.

"Then how did you … Aren't you … Do you come from Aslan's country? Are my brothers and sister there too?" she asked confused.

"Susan, I am sorry but I don't think, that Aslan wants me to tell you this! I don't know if you're supposed to know …"

"To know what? That they are dead in Narnia as well?" she felt like she had experienced their deaths a second time. Tears were running down her cheeks, she looked angry at him. "But you told me that they are fine! That they are alive!" she almost shouted.

"In fact I never said that they are alive … and they are fine!" Caspian stammered.

"They are dead! How could they possibly be fine?" she screamed, her entire body shaking

"Susan, Narnia isn't the Narnia you have known once and life after death isn't exactly what you are thinking it is! Trust me, they are fine!" Caspian assured her, approaching Susan, pulling her into a comforting hug.

In his arms Susan could forget everything else, all her sadness and all of her troubles. She could just breathe, not thinking about anything else. She leaned her head against his chest and calmed down.

After some while Susan looked up at Caspian, her glassy blue eyes pleading. "Can you take me back with you? Can you bring me to them?"

"I am sorry, but as I said, that's beyond my power." Caspian told her, although you could hear in his voice how much he would have wanted to fulfil her wish.

"Then who has the power to do it? Aslan?"

Caspian nodded. "I think so. But I think it also depends on you! You have to want it and you have to believe in it!"

"But I do! What else am I supposed to do?" she asked desperately.

"I don't know. But we are going to find that out!" he assured her, although he didn't know how to do that!

* * *

_**Well that's it for now :) .. I hope you like it! Tell me your thoughts in a review! Would be great! :D ... **_

_**Thanks for the reviews so far - they really always make my day :) ... **_


	5. Chapter 5 Two's Company, three's a Crowd

_**Finally I had time to update - sorry to those who've waited for it! Enjoy reading! :) **_

* * *

At least one of their problems was solved, when Mrs. Macready informed Susan, that she was going to visit an ill friend to help her and that she would at least spend two days there. Susan was relieved, that meant that she hadn't to hide Caspian for two days and that they were able to do their inquiries at least for two days without being interrupted.

After letting Susan promising that she would take care of the house, the garden and the horses in her absence and that she would behave, Mrs. Macready left house the next morning.

Susan watched Mrs. Macready getting on the taxi, and waited until it disappeared, then she ran upstairs to Caspian. He was sitting at the chair next to his bed, oiling the blade of his sword. He looked up with a smile when he heard Susan coming up.

"Mrs. Macready took off. Now I can show you the whole house. Come on and we search a better place for you to sleep." she said taking his hand and leading him downstairs.

After the tour through the house and after Caspian had settled himself in a bedroom near Susan's one, of course only for her safety, they combed through the whole house, especially the professor's office again, to be sure that Susan hadn't overlooked anything, that might help them.

But they searched again without results. They were just having lunch, when they heard the door bell ring. Both looked at each other alarmed. Who could this be? Mrs. Macready? Tash?

While Susan walked to the door to open, Caspian hided himself behind some curtains in the entrance hall, making sure to be hidden if it was the housekeeper and to be able to defend Susan if it was the evil creature.

But it was neither of them. A young handsome man was standing outside the house.

"Hello my darling!" he said pulling Susan into a hug.

"Eric, what are you doing here?" Susan asked surprised.

"I've finally got your uncle's permission to marry you and I wanted to kiss my wife-to-be." Eric informed her, covering her lips with his, giving her a passionate kiss.

Caspian could feel the anger and the jealousy arising in his body and automatically his hands gripped his sword tighter. So that was the man Susan was in love with.

Very well aware of Caspian watching them, Susan pulled away from Eric, stammering, "I am glad you are here. Wow, what a surprise!"

"And who is this?" Eric asked, looking at Caspian, who had stepped forward.

Without thinking of the problems that may be caused by this Susan answered, "Eh, this is Caspian Macready, Mrs. Macready's nephew. Caspian, this is Eric, my … eh … fiancé."

Eric stepped forward to shake hands with Caspian, looking scrutinising at Caspian. Caspian's brown eyes were dark and unreadable, but his firm handclasp showed, that he didn't like this Eric.

"And where is Mrs. Macready?" Eric inquired.

"She left us this morning to visit an ill friend!" Susan informed him.

"Then I am right at time, am I not?" he said looking between Susan and Caspian.

While Susan showed Eric the house and the garden, Caspian took a back seat, but always watching them, to be able to take in a hand if necessary. There was something about this Eric he didn't like, not only that he was Susan's fiancé but something else he couldn't explain.

* * *

In the evening, when they were having dinner Susan felt quite uncomfortable. She was sitting at the head of the table, the young men on both of her sides.

Eric had started asking inconvenient questions about Caspian's origin, family background and about his intentions. Caspian answered them patiently, his dark eyes still unreadable, trying to sound truthfully. Susan helped him as good as she could, but she grew more nervous with each question.

Then when they had finished eating, Eric turned his attention towards Susan. "You look lovely, my darling." And she indeed did. She wore a blue dress that swept low across her pale shoulders and underlined her blue sapphire eyes. Her hair was hanging loose on both sides of her pale face, her lips full and red.

"You are the most beautiful woman I ever saw. If I hadn't already asked you to marry me, I would do so now." Eric took her hand kissing her knuckles softly. Susan gave him a warm smile.

Under the table Caspian clenched his fists, trying to control his anger and jealousy. He looked down at his plate, trying not to show his feelings. When Eric moved one hand so her cheek and kissed her gently, Caspian couldn't watch this anymore.

He stood up, looked down on the table, trying not to catch Susan's gaze, "I am off to bed. Thank you for the delicious meal." and with these words he took off.

When Caspian was in his room, he banged one fist against the wall with an outcry. It hurt him so much watching her with another man and now he could understand her feelings, her anger about his marriage. But he had to accept that she wasn't his to have.

He had to live with this hurting feeling, he needed to protect her.

Aslan, please help me! Help me to stay strong!

"I wanted to talk to you about the marriage." Susan looked up surprised when Eric suddenly brought up this topic. They had finished dinner and were now sitting on the couch in the living room.

"We will have enough time to talk about it. Let's just enjoy the evening." Susan thought it strange to think of her in a white dress promising herself to one man for the rest of her life, actually to build a new family when she had just lost one.

Eric ignored her statement and continued, "I thought about the date and I think that Christmas would be a great time to marry. We could …"

"Christmas? This Christmas? Eric, it's only three months till Christmas. We can't arrange everything within 12 weeks. That's impossible! Normally you get engaged one year before you marry." Susan told him angrily, although she knew she had no good reason for becoming angry.

"I just want you to become my wife as soon as possible." Eric defended himself.

"Let's talk about this another time. It's already late. I think it's time to go to bed." Susan obviously wanted to put an end to the topic.

"Susan, I am sorry. I don't want to put the screws on you." Eric apologized.

"It's ok!" Susan said, giving him a short kiss on his lips and leaving him alone.

* * *

The next morning Susan walked through the gardens in front of the house. It was a wonderful warm autumn morning. The leaves from the trees had begun to change their colours into wonderful different colours, different forms of red, brown and yellow. Some had already fallen down from the trees and so Susan heard them rustling with every step.

This wonderful untouched nature reminded herself of Narnia, of its wonderful forests and grasslands. And this memory made her feel good, made her feel comfortable. It was nearly like she was home again, like Edmund and Lucy were waiting behind the next tree to frighten her and like she would see Peter on his horse when she was around the next corner.

Here she could relax, just take a deep breath and think.

Eric had gone to town, because he needed to manage some business things and that gave Susan some time to think why she had reacted the way she had when Eric wanted to talk about their marriage.

She wanted to marry Eric. He was a great guy, he loved her and he would care for her, she knew that. But she just couldn't imagine that he would replace her family, her siblings, she had loved so much. She was to be his wife and he would be her new family. That just sounded weird when she thought about it.

But she loved him! Didn't she love him? She wasn't that sure about it. With Caspian's arrival so many feelings had arisen, feelings she hadn't known before. But she had forgotten Caspian a long time ago, she had come over him a long time ago, hadn't she? To be honest it had hurt her to see him again and if she had some over him it wouldn't have hurt.

But Caspian wasn't going to stay, he will have to return to Aslan's country. And if he left she would be alone again. No, Caspian was her past, she needed to concentrate on Eric, he was her future! But did she want this future? …

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard footsteps through the greenery. She looked around and suddenly caught Caspian's figure some feet away from her. He was throwing his knives, using a tree about twenty feet away as his target.

The young man was concentrating on his target and didn't notice Susan's presence. He threw both knives within a second, each of them hitting the target in the middle. Susan clapped her hands and Caspian turned around surprised and alarmed. He looked relieved when he recognized Susan.

"Nice shots!" Susan commended.

"Thanks!" Caspian said, moving forward to put the knives out of the tree.

"Maybe you could show me how to throw them so that I can defend myself if my arrows aren't working again?" Susan's request dropped in unexpected, but when Caspian thought about it, it was a quite good idea.

He approached her nodding and handed the knives over to her, saying, "If you want me to."

First Susan just tossed them from one hand into the other, to get a feeling for them. Then Caspian demonstrated her how to stand, to aim and to shoot. He handed the knives over to her and she tried to emulate as he had demonstrated, but the knives hit the grass some feet away from the tree they used as target.

"I would neither want to be you target nor next to it." Caspian choked, walking close behind her to adjust her arms. Body contact was everywhere, his arms on both sides of her. Susan could feel the heat of his body and grew nervous. Maybe this hadn't been such a great idea.

"Now face your target. Don't think of anything else." she could feel his warm breath on her skin and it was hard for her to think of anything else than him.

"What are you doing?" Susan suddenly heard an angry voice shouting behind them.

Then, Caspian was suddenly gone. He had moved so quickly that Susan nearly fell down when his strong body wasn't there anymore. Somehow she managed to remain standing. She turned around and caught Eric's gaze. Susan exchanged looks with Caspian, who was looking conscious of his guilt, and they both new that this had looked badly.

Before they could defend themselves, Eric attacked Caspian with his fists. The first beat came too quick for Caspian and hit him right in the face, but the second blow he could dodge.

"No, Eric, please! I just asked Caspian to show me how to throw a knife to defend myself." Susan shouted throwing herself between Caspian and Eric.

"Against whom do you want to defend yourself?" Eric yelled.

"It was a bad idea, I know. I am sorry. Let's just forget about it, ok?" Susan begged.

"He was touching your whole body, how can I forget about that?" Eric continued, still anger in his voice.

Eric pushed Susan away, attacking Caspian a second time. Susan lost her balance and fell down with a startled cry. Caspian made a grab for her, but he was too late and Susan fell down on the earth, her head hitting the hard ground.

* * *

_**Well this is definitely not one of my favourite chapters - next one is going to be better, promise! :) **_

_**Nevertheless I would really like to hear your thoughts about it - so please leave me a review! **_

_**Thanks to those who reviewed so far - what would I do without you? ;) **_


	6. Chapter 6: A door closes, another opens

_**I would like to dedicate this chapter to mae-E for all her great reviews (I hope this whole dedicating thing doesn't sound too kitchy or whatever, but your reviews just always make my day!). **_

_**So all of you enjoy reading! (sorry for the long waiting!)...  
**_

* * *

When Susan regained consciousness again, she was lying in her bedroom. The first person she saw when she opened her eyes was Eric. He was holding her hand, looking worried.

"Susan, I am so sorry!" he whispered, looking guilty, "Are you ok?"

Susan nodded, searching the room for Caspian. He was standing some feet behind Eric, ready to interfere when the situation required it. His nose was still bleeding and he was looking angry at Eric, because he had hurt Susan. Caspian wanted to punish Eric for hurting her, but he knew he had done wrong as well.

Susan sat up, feeling a stinging hurt in her head. Her sapphire blue eyes locked with Caspian's brown ones, "Can you leave us alone, please? We need to talk."

Caspian hesitated looking worried, but then nodded and went out of the room.

"Susan, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Please …"

"It's ok, Eric." Susan assured him, looking down at the blanket, thinking about how to say, what she wanted to tell him, what she knew was right to tell him.

She looked at the ring that she had been wearing since the day Eric had asked her to marry him. She loved this ring, it was indeed beautiful, but she knew it wasn't right to wear it. It wasn't right to wear the ring, a symbol of love, if she didn't loved the man, who had given it to her. She removed it slowly from her finger, handing it over to Eric.

Some tears were running down her cheek, "I am sorry Eric, but I can't marry you."

"No Susan, please. I love you. What I've done today …" Eric wanted to say that he was sorry, that he would never hurt her again, that it was the biggest mistake in his whole life, but Susan just shook her head, and he knew whatever he would say, it wouldn't help.

"Eric it's not because of what you've done today, or what you've done in the past or what you are going to do in the future…"

"Then it's because of him." Eric concluded with both anger and sadness in his voice.

And again Susan shook her head, "It's because of me. I just don't love you. I thought I love you, I wanted to, I wished that I could love you, so that I won't be alone. I've lost my family and I thought you could replace them. But I realized that that isn't right. It's not fair, neither for you nor for me. You are worthy a person that loves you just as much as you love her and I am sorry, but I can't be that woman. I have given my heart away a long time ago." With every word she said another tear was running down from her glassy blue eyes, with which she now looked sadly directly into Eric's eyes.

Eric could see the sorrow and the pain in Susan's eyes, but he didn't feel for comforting her. She had just broken their engagement and his heart. He understood her reasons but he just couldn't … Eric nodded, stood up and walked out of the room. He didn't say a word, but because of the way he was walking, because of the expression in his face, the sadness in his eyes, you could see how much this affected him.

Susan buried her face in her pillow and let out her tears, all her sadness. Although she had wanted to say those things, although she knew it had been right, it didn't mean that it didn't hurt her. It had taken her a lot of courage and effort. And now she was alone again, at least almost alone.

* * *

Caspian was standing outside Susan's room. It had been an hour ago, when the door had swung open and Eric had come out. He had looked both sad and angry and he stormed passed Caspian, had taken his things and had left the house without a word.

For Caspian this could only mean one thing, Susan had left him. Although he felt guilty about being happy about their break-up, he couldn't help but feeling good. Susan had left Eric, what meant that she didn't love Eric, what could mean that she loved him, Caspian. His heart had leapt for joy at this thought. Maybe she still loved him as much as he loved her.

But she was lying in her room crying. Of course, although if she didn't love him, she was sorry for their break-up, for losing a friend, even something more than a friend. He understood that she needed time to get over this. But he didn't know what to do. Should he let her alone to give her some time for herself, or should he go inside to comfort her?

Caspian decided that he had given her enough time for herself and so he knocked gently at the door. He waited, but Susan gave no answer. Nevertheless the young man opened the door and stepped inside.

Susan was still lying on her bed, stiffly not moving. Her eyes were swollen and red and her cheeks wet, from the tears she had shed. She didn't look up when Caspian walked in.

"Susan, are you ok?" Caspian asked softly, moving forward to the bed.

She didn't answer, just continued staring at the ceiling. Caspian took her hand and fondled it softly, to show her that he was there for her.

At his touch Susan winced and pulled away her hand. "I want to be alone." she told him without looking at him.

Caspian turned around to go, but hesitated, "I want you to know that I am here for you if you need me!" he said gently.

Susan sat up, her glassy blue ice looking cold straight into Caspian's caring ones, "I don't need you. I don't want you to be here." Caspian was shocked, he had never seen her looking at him like this. In her gaze he saw sadness, fury and anger but also dislike, nearly hate.

Their faces were only inches apart, everyone would have felt the difficult tension between those two. Caspian would have only have to lean in a few centimetres to kiss Susan, but her icy look kept him from doing it. Without another word he stood up and walked out of the room. Susan watched him walking away and buried her head again in her pillow, feeling a new wave of tears coming.

* * *

Caspian's hands moved automatically to the sword next to his bed, when he heard the creak of the floor outside his room. Somebody was out there. Could it be Tash outside on the floor seeking his revenge? Or maybe it was just Susan, maybe she couldn't sleep again because of the nightmares of the deaths of her siblings that followed her every night. Whatever, he had to check!

Caspian got up, took his sword and his knives and moved towards the door. He opened it quietly and looked outside. But there was no sign of anybody, so he went down the floor to Susan's bedroom to check if she was alright. She hadn't come out of her room all day long. He still didn't understand why she had behaved that cold towards him. Caspian had thought that she had broken up with Eric because she loved himself, Caspian. But now he wasn't that sure about that.

When he reached her door, he eavesdropped if he could hear any sign of danger. Suddenly he could hear somebody sobbing but it didn't come out of Susan's room but from some room down the floor. With each step the noise grew louder and all of a sudden Caspian knew from where and from whom it came from.

When he opened the door to the room with the wardrobe he found Susan kneeling on the floor, sobbing. The room was completely dark, the moon outside was covered with big clouds and once in a while a lightning coming down from the sky enlightened the room and a thunder shook the earth. Some big drops were clutching on the window.

Susan small figure looked miserable in front of the big wardrobe. Her eyes were facing the sky outside. Between the sobs he heard her whispering, "Why do you take everything away from me that matters to me? … What did I do wrong?"

"Susan, are you alright?" he asked gently, sinking down to the floor next to her. She turned around, her blue eyes looking sad and blank.

"Why do I lose everybody and everything that I love? I have lost my home, my friends, my siblings and … ", her voice broke down, her glassy blue eyes searching for his caring brown ones, "… and I have lost you."

Caspian didn't know what to say, so he took her in his arms to comfort her.

"Why do I have to live this life alone?" she asked him, leaning her head against his chest.

"You aren't alone. I am here for you. I am going to protect you no matter what happens." he promised her.

"But you are going to leave me again, aren't you?" she asked, looking up at Caspian, who didn't know what to answer. "You have to leave when Tash is defeated, don't you? You are going to leave me alone. I have to lose you again." They both knew the answer.

Caspian didn't answer, he just hold her tighter and kissed her forehead. Susan leaned against his chest sobbing, breathing in his wonderful smell and feeling his strength. She felt that comfortable in his arms and she wanted to hold on to that, because she knew when she would pull away from him, reality would catch her. Reality that sooner or later he would have to leave her, that they would live literally worlds apart and that she would be alone again, yearning for his presence.

Caspian felt her tears on his chest and he wanted to comfort her, he wanted to assure her that he would never leave her, but he couldn't. However there was one thing he could tell her.

"Susan, I need you to know that I love you. I love you with every beat of my heart. It's only for you that I breathe. You are with me with every step I take, in my heart and in my thoughts. You are the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. Every night I dream of us being together. I cannot tell you that I will stay with you forever, but I can tell you that my thoughts will always be with you, no matter what happens. I can tell you that I will do everything that is in my power that you are happy, that I can be with you. And I can tell you that I will love you till the end, not only until death, but till every world has fallen apart. Queen Susan, the Gentle, I love you!"

Susan had stopped crying now facing Caspian. Her eyes were still glassy and sad, but there was also delight and love in them. For a moment there was silence and they were just looking in each other's eyes. Then Caspian placed his hand gently on her cheek and covered her lips with his, giving her a passionate kiss. The world around Susan melted apart, she didn't think of her siblings, Tash coming back or Caspian leaving. She was just drowning in him and didn't want to leave his arms ever again.

"Oh, I am sorry to interrupt such a beautiful moment!" she suddenly heard a taunting voice behind her.

They broke apart and when Susan turned around she faced Tash, standing cool and collected leaning against the wardrobe in his right hand a gleaming sword.

Caspian took Susan's hand and followed his first instinct, run. He didn't know where to run, but he needed to bring Susan away from this creature. They ran through the floor and down the stairs, hearing Tash roaring behind them, "You can't escape me!"

They ran out of the house through the front door in the pouring rain, when the god was suddenly standing in front of them again. Susan wanted to scream for help, but her voice broke down. Caspian had already stepped in front of her and had drawn his sword to protect her.

He pointed his blade at the god, "You're not welcomed here!"

Tash laughed coldly, "Then come and remove me!"

They met with a clash of steel, the king and the god.

Susan watched Caspian attacking the god and defending himself. With every new attack of the god, Susan grew more worried and frightened. She didn't know what to do. She had no weapon to fight. Her bow and her arrows were in her room and she didn't even know if they would work this time against this powerful god. Moreover Susan didn't want to leave Caspian. So she just watched, not able to move or scream.

Caspian countered every attack of Tash and the god seemed to notice that he wouldn't be able to win this fight with fair methods and Caspian suddenly found himself been thrown back by an invisible power, hitting a tree, sinking down to the ground.

Susan felt her heart stop beating, she wanted to scream and run over to him, but Tash had already concentrated his attention at Susan and obstructed the passage to Caspian.  
When the god attacked her, Susan didn't move to escape the sword; she didn't have anymore worth living in this world, so why should she fear death?

Then she suddenly heard a voice shouting her name and when she searched its urge she saw Caspian heading towards her. Suddenly everything moved more slowly. She felt her heart stop beating, she heard the silver blade knocking against flesh and she felt her body covering with blood, with loads of blood.

* * *

_**So I hope you liked it - sorry for the cliffhanger but I'll try to update soon! **_

_**So what do you think about it? Please leave me a review - would be great! :) **_

_**Thanks to all who reviewed so far - you guys are my heroes! ;) **_


	7. Chapter 7: Everything's about Faith

_**Sorry for the cliffhanger in the last chapter! Here we go again ;) ...  
**_

* * *

The young woman was kneeling on the ground, holding the man she loved in her arms. Her tears were running down nearly as fast as the rain clutched to the ground next to her. She didn't pay attention to the thunders and lightnings around her. It didn't matter to her that she was soaked to the skin or that she was full of his blood.

All that mattered to her was the man who was lying in her arms, he was the only thing that mattered to her in this world and she was about to lose him. He had thrown himself in front of her, to shield her. And now the sword, which was meant to hurt her, had wounded him.

He was still breathing, but he was unconscious. She tried to stop the bleeding at his lower side, but she knew that his wound was severe and that it was only a matter of time till he died.

"No, no, no! Caspian, what have you done?" she whispered.

Then the young woman looked up at the creature, which had caused this.

"Why are you doing this?" Susan asked, nearly whispering, her eyes filled with fury.

"Revenge!" was the answer she had expected.

"I understand your anger. You aren't the only one, who has been banished from his home. You aren't the only one, who has to live in this dull world while you are longing for the place you have once lived. Revenge won't help you. But if you want to fight, I am ready. I do not fear death and I do not fear you!" Susan told him, gathering all her strength. He would pay for what he had done to her and he would never do to another person again! She stood up, holding Caspian's sword in her hands, like it had never belonged anywhere else.

The god looked at her surprised. This woman had more courage and strength than he had thought. But it wouldn't cost him much effort to kill her and then he would have satisfied his thirst for revenge. It would be over soon! And with these thoughts he attacked her with his sword.

Susan had never been good at sword-fighting. In the golden age her brother Edmund had once taught her the motions of it but she preferred her bow and had soon given up this whole thing.

To be honest back in those times she had never been the great warrior, who fights in every battle. She had never liked shedding blood, but she had learned the necessity of it. And her anger about Caspian's fatal injury gave her courage, the anger about herself for giving up, for causing all this, gave her strength.

Susan knew that Tash was a good swordsman and that it wouldn't cost him much effort to defeat her. She was aware of her weaknesses, but of her strengths as well. Because of her size and her mobility she was good at avoiding his attacks. So the young woman just sidestepped his attacks and gathered her strength waiting for her chance.

After Tash had hurt her on her left arm and had even cut down a strain of her wonderful dark hair, which had been a strike very close to her neck, Susan got her chance. When one of his attacks failed her, Tash stumbled forward, falling to his knees. Susan swung the sword, the sword that had once belonged to her brother, and severed the god's head from his body.

She would always remember the look on his face - the fury, and somehow the fear - as she swung. Susan watched with satisfaction how his head landed on the ground next to Caspian.

"Caspian!" after some steps, she was kneeling next to his body again.

His dark brown eyes were looking at her, although he could barely keep them open.

"I am going to get a doctor. You are going to be alright." Against her better judgement Susan tried to convince them both, but Caspian just shook his head.

"No, Susan. My time here is over, I have to go!" Caspian whispered, moving one hand to her cheek, wiping away her tears.

"No, no, no! You can't leave me here alone, please. I love you Caspian. I can't lose you again. Please!"

"Susan, you just showed how much strength you have inside of you. You just defeated a god!" his lips formed to a smile, "You have the strength to return, where your heart wishes to go. You just have to believe in yourself, in our love and in Aslan!"

"But I have tried everything to go back. I don't know how. Please, you have to tell me, how to go back!" Susan cried, moving her hand upon his.

"Have faith!" Caspian breathed out and suddenly Susan could feel how life left his body. His hand fell down from her cheek to the ground and his glassy eyes looked lifeless and matt. She could feel his heart stop beating, feeling like her own one would do the same any minute.

She laid her head on his chest and breathed in one last time his wonderful smell and felt his muscles under his shirt. But the warmth, that his body had once radiated, was gone. The love she had once felt, when she had looked in his eyes, was gone. The man that she loved was gone.

When she had no more tears to shed, Susan looked towards the sky, where lightnings were demonstrating the feelings she felt inside of her.

"Why?" she cried loud, as if she had to outcry the thunders around her, "Why do you do this to me? I have faith! You know that I have faith! I believe in myself, in Narnia and in you! Why can't you believe in me?"

And suddenly she could hear a lion's roar between the thunders and as if she wanted to roar back, she screamed towards the sky, "Aslan! Why don't you have faith in me?"

There was another loud roar and a lightning hit the earth right in front of Susan.

For a moment Susan couldn't see anything but the bright light surrounding her. She looked down at the earth, looking for Caspian's body and saw that it had gone. When she looked up again, the bright light had faded and she was looking at a familiar face.

"Aslan!" Susan cried out surprised, closing their distance to hug him but hesitated. Her feelings veered between joy about seeing him after such a long time again and anger about him abandoning her from Narnia, from her family and her friends.

"Dear one! You have called me?" the lion asked in such a friendly way, that Susan got angry. He talked like nothing had happened.

"I have called you many times before. I have asked for help many times before. You've never answered. You took all of them to your country except for me. You abandoned me. You stopped caring about me. Why? What have I done wrong?" Susan cried out, tears of sadness and anger running down her cheeks.

"Susan, dear one, you had lost your faith in me. You grew up, forgetting about how to be a child, how to act like a queen..."

"How could I possibly not grow up, after I had taken so much responsibility? Not only for myself or for my family, for a whole country! I have spent half a lifetime ruling over a country! I have watched you dying; that was the first time that I realised that it was childish to believe that the good would always win against the evil. I have been to war, I have seen brave men dying, children suffering..."

"You shouldn't have gone to war. You should have left the fighting to your brothers. Father Christmas warned you..."

"Then why did he give me a bow and arrows? He should have rather given me a cordial like Lucy's if he wanted me to stay out of fight. Moreover why shouldn't I fight for those I love? Why shouldn't I try to protect them? Aslan, I ruled over a country, I took responsibility for thousands of people and creatures, and I needed to grow up to watch after them, to make the right decisions, to be able to carry the weight you laid upon my shoulders..."

"Susan, I am sorry if I expected too much from you, I am sorry if I laid too much upon your shoulders. I've never had the feeling that you were unhappy in Narnia or that you had too much responsibility, but that's not my point. You forgot about Narnia, you forgot about me! You repressed your memories and called Narnia a childish game!"

"It's because remembering hurt that much! Those memories and feelings, I couldn't stand them anymore. I was so happy in Narnia, I had much responsibility, yes, but it was worth it. When you first sent us back to our world, you not only took us our kingdom but our home, our friends. The next time I was more cautious, knowing that you would send us back a second time, but I fell in love..." she looked up at Aslan as she said those words, not knowing if he had known her feelings, "...I didn't intend to, I didn't want to, it just happened. But this love you took away from me as well. I accepted the fact, that Narnia wasn't my world to live in, but only in my brain, I couldn't stop loving Caspian, I couldn't prevent my heart from breaking, especially not when I heard that he had moved on while I couldn't!" she paused, taking a deep breath to prevent herself from collapsing.

"So I suppressed my feelings and with them the memories of Narnia. And then you took away the only important thing that had remained for me in this world, my family. You left me alone in this world, I felt like you didn't care for me anymore, you abandoned me!" the last words she shouted, her anger winning over her sadness.

"I am sorry, dear one, but I had no choice. You needed to truly regain your faith before I could take you to my country. I am sorry about how much you had to live through but it was upon you and not upon me that you get admission to my country." Aslan said, his voice sounding sad and apologetic.

When she heard his sad voice, Susan couldn't be angry anymore, she couldn't hold back her tears anymore. She threw her arms around Aslan's neck, burying her head in his mane, breathing in his wonderful familiar smell, and feeling the wonderful warmth and comfort his body radiated.

It was such a wonderful feeling, that Susan didn't realize anything else. She didn't realize that the rain had stopped. She didn't feel the hurt in her heart anymore; she just felt ease and comfort. It was like he had brought her peace once more.

"Aslan, I am sorry." Susan whispered into his mane, "I am so sorry that I had lost my faith! I am really sorry! But can you imagine what it's like to live in a world where there is nothing that can satisfy you, where there is nothing that matters to you, knowing that you were made for another world?"

"Yes, dear one, I know the feeling." Aslan told her, and when Susan looked up surprised, he explained, "I feel everything that you feel, sadness, happiness, anger, everything. My heart, my body and my soul, they are all bound to yours, to all of yours, your brothers', your sister's and all of my dear friends'. With every year that you grow, I grow too. Every time you get hurt, may it be physical or psychical, I feel it too. And every time one of your souls loses the will to live, like yours had done, I lose a part of my soul too."

Susan nodded understandingly, now she was feeling that bound again. She could feel his presence and his love for her. But what was going to happen now? Would she have to stay in this world and live her life alone or would she be able to go to Aslan's country?

And as if Aslan could read her mind he told her, "You will see! You just have to have faith and everything will turn out right."

Susan nodded again, took two steps back, so that she was standing in front of Aslan again. "Thank you so much for everything, Aslan."

His warm eyes looked directly into her blue glassy ones. "I will see you in eternity, Queen Susan, the Gentle."

The great lion roared towards the sky, another lightning hit the earth and then there was nothing but bright light.

* * *

_**So.... what do you think? Tell me your thoughts - I would really like to read them in a review!! ;) ... **_

_**I hope you liked it! I'll try to update soon! :) **_


	8. Chapter 8: Eternity

**_I have good news and bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first? ;) ... _**

**_The good news is that here is the next chapter (finally - I am so sorry for the long waiting - but as you know life happens when you're bussy making other plans ;)) - and I've to say that this chapter is my second favourite chapter after the last one - I hope you'll like it too!! _**

**_The bad news is that this is the last chapter of this story - even though I would have some ideas how to continue, I just don't want to change the story - this was my first fanfiction and I just think it should stay like it is - like I first wrote it! (but there's still my other story The Return of the Kings and Queens and I am planning on writing another story as soon as I can spare some time! :))  
_**

**_And this chapter is again dedicated to mae-E - for all your wonderful reviews throughout this story - they were truly inspiring and I love to read them - thank you sooooo much! :) _**

**_And here we go again ;) ... _**

* * *

When Susan woke up, she could feel a wonderful smooth bed underneath her, a bed in which she hadn't been sleeping for a long time. But she didn't only feel good because of the comfortable bed underneath her, she also felt warmth, ease and pleasantness filling her own heart and the room, she was lying in. Susan took a deep breath and noticed a wonderful smell in the air. She hadn't experienced this feeling a long time. She felt like she was at home.

When Susan finally opened her eyes, she was blinded by the sun, which was shining inside the room through the big opened balcony doors. But the harsh light didn't feel uncomfortable in her eyes, it felt familiar.

Suddenly she noticed another person in the chambers. When her sapphire blue eyes met those wonderful brown eyes, she had longed to see, her heart leapt for joy. Susan felt relief and delight flowing through her body.

Caspian sitting next to her alive without any injuries could only mean one thing. Okay, to be honest it could mean two things and Susan immediately asked the question to ensure, that it wasn't the thing that would lead her to misery.

"Am I dreaming?" she whispered, not able to speak out this thought loud. Caspian shook his head. But before Susan would allow herself to live out the joy, she felt, she wanted to make sure, she had a reason to, "Then were am I?"

"Where you belong." Caspian said, moving his hand on top of hers to show her that he was real.

A tear of joy was running down Susan's cheek, "So am I in Aslan's country? Am I dead?"

"Yes, you are." Caspian could barely answer, before Susan swung her arms around him.

"Oh, thank Aslan!" Susan whispered, leaning against Caspian's chest.

"I've never heard or seen that somebody was that happy about one's death!" Susan suddenly heard the familiar voice of her younger brother from the hallway and within the next moment, Lucy was rushing towards her, nearly knocking her back into the pillow as she threw her arms around her.

"Oh Susan, I knew it! I knew that you would regain your faith. I knew that you would join us." Lucy cheered into her sister's ear.

"Lucy!" Susan looked into her younger sister's face, noticing tears in Lucy's eyes. But there was also a bright smile in her face. How much had she missed just the presence of her sister, who had always believed that everything would turn out right and who had never unlike her lost her faith to Aslan. Lucy's innocence and her confidence were still obvious in her face. She hadn't changed but for maybe even more wisdom and understanding in her eyes.

"Nice, that Lucy is getting all the attention, as always" she heard again her younger brother's voice, but this time he was standing right in front of her bed, where Caspian has been sitting few moments before. Caspian had stepped aside and left the room, to give the family reunion some privacy.

Susan now jumped out of her bed and hugged her brother, laughing heavily not only because of happiness but because of his comment. It was great to have Edmund around again, he had always brought her to laughter and as generally known a smile helps in every situation. He had never judged any of them, if they had made a mistake, because he knew from experience how easy one can be tempted. And as he hugged Susan, she knew that Edmund understood her bad behaviour, she knew that Edmund wouldn't judge her and that they would never talk about it again.

"It's good to have you back, Su." he whispered into her ear.

Then Edmund stepped back and Susan noticed Peter leaning against the doorframe, watching them. She caught his gaze and hesitated. She didn't know why she hesitated, maybe because of the look at his face. Of course there was joy and delight in his face about seeing her again but there was something else, something she had seen very often in his face. It was guilt.

There was a moment of silence and the two older siblings just looked at each other. Finally Susan walked over to him and hugged him, feeling relief flooding her body. Now she couldn't hold back the tears anymore and they ran down her face on Peter's chest one after the other.

His name was all that she could say, but that was enough. There was a bound of understanding between those two and Peter knew exactly what she was feeling. He knew exactly how much she had gone through to get here and how glad she was about seeing them again. And exactly because of that he felt guilty.

All the misery she had gone through, he hadn't been able to help her. He should have done more, more than writing this stupid letter, he should have helped her regain her faith before he had left her. He had left her. All of his life he had been watching out for her but this time he had left her alone. He hadn't been there for her, not because he hadn't wanted to but because he hadn't been able to and this guilt had followed him the last few weeks.

"I am sorry, Su. I am so sorry" was all that he could tell her, after all she had gone through.

Susan pulled back, looking straight into his eyes, still tears in her own ones.

"What for? It is me who has to be sorry, sorry for letting you down, sorry for not believing you. You've looked after me all my life but this time you couldn't have done anything. This was my war to fight. And the only thing that matters is that I am here now, with you." And with this she hugged him once more, feeling how his body was flooded with release as well.

Then, still one hand on Peter's shoulder, she looked at Lucy and Edmund, "And all of you gave me strength. The thought of seeing you guys again kept me fighting. You can't imagine how much I missed you."

* * *

Susan was standing outside on her balcony, watching as the sun faded behind the wide blue sea. There were so many different colours up in the sky, she wouldn't have been able to describe neither the view nor the feeling inside of her to anyone. She hadn't watched this breathtaking sunset for a long time, but even then when she was able to watch it every day, it had always been special to her. It had something magical.

But it was not only the sunset that had something magical. Here in Narnia everything seemed magical, nearly unbelievable to her. But she had learned to believe in it.

She heard somebody approaching her, but she needn't turn around to know who it was. Now, here in Narnia, she could feel his presence, his power even when he wasn't around her and when he was, this feeling got stronger.

The great lion stopped next to her without saying a word. But Susan herself had questions to ask, "Does every person that dies go to another world? And if yes, does death actually exist, if we live on in another world?"

"Of course, death exists. Everyone has to die, it's natural law, like birth. But it isn't the end of everything; it's the beginning of a new life. It's like after night follows day, after death follows life." Aslan explained to her.

Susan nodded, "Thank you so much for bringing me here, Aslan. It's like I am finally home."

She looked at Aslan with her wonderful sapphire blue eyes, which were now, after they had been glassy and sad for such a long time, bright and full of joy.

"You aren't here because of me, dear one. Well, at least not completely because of me," the lion smirked, "You are here because of your own strength, because you have learnt to believe, you have chosen to have faith and that's what finally brought you here. Because of this you belong here."

But Susan needed him to understand her behaviour, she needed to explain him, why it had taken her so long, why she had struggled so long before she could overcome her doubts and truly believe in him and Narnia,

"I am sorry that I listened to my doubts for such a long time. But the grief I felt after my siblings' death felt so much like fear. Letting this fear control my body was just much easier than facing it. I didn't have the courage to, I was weak" Susan could feel, how the tears were coming to her eyes once more, but she managed to hold them back. She didn't want to cry again, after she had lost so many tears, now that she was that happy.

"No, my dear one" Aslan shook his head, "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. You've overcome your fear and your doubts and with this you've shown more courage than anyone here. Nobody here has proved himself the way you did, I even doubt all of them would be able to. How long it took you or how you came here is not important, the only thing that matters is that you earn it to be here."

Susan nodded and although she had many more questions to ask about this magical world, she knew it wasn't the time to. So they stood together side by side silently watching as the sun sank slowly into the sea.

When it had finally disappeared from their sight, Susan whispered, "I have learnt to believe in you like I believe in the sun, not because I can see it, but because of it all things are seen." And as she said these words, one could see the wisdom in her eyes, the wisdom of a far older person, the wisdom of an ancient queen, who had reigned over a country for half a lifetime.

* * *

Susan took a deep breath, straightened her dress and arranged her hair once more, like she had done a hundred times before in the golden age. But she had never been that nervous before a ball, not even at her very first one.

The doors in front of her opened and as she stepped into the wonderful decorated room, she left all her nervousness and unease outside in the hallway.

Suddenly there fell a deep silence in the room and Susan noticed that everyone was watching her in admiration, but she wasn't uncomfortable with that. She had to admit that she looked great in this royal blue narnian dress with a low cut neckline. Every curve was defined by the clinging fabric and corset, flaring out into full skirts. Her wonderful dark curls were pinned up and the thin silver crown on her head matched with her long twinkling earrings and the little silver stones on her dress.

Moreover when she glanced through the room, she saw only familiar faces, people, whom she knew and loved. There were her brothers and sister, Reepicheep, the brave mouse, Trumpkin, the red-dwarf, Doctor Cornelius, trufflehunter, the old wise badger, Tumnus, the faun, Glenstorm, the centaur and many others. So many dear friends she hadn't seen for such a long time and she was looking forward to talking to each of them.

But right now Susan concentrated on the person, with whom she was looking forward to spending the rest of her life with. She hadn't been able to talk to him since the few moments after she had awoken in this wonderful world. Caspian was approaching her, holding out one hand. "Your Majesty, will you do me the honour of beginning the ball with me?"

Without saying a word, she slid her hand into his, his fingers curling about hers. The musicians began a slow waltz. Susan could feel her heart beating faster as he gently pulled her close, her hand resting on his shoulder. They moved gracefully into the dance, his lead strong and confident.

The world around them melted apart. They danced, only eyes for each other, their faces only inches apart. There was none of the new hesitation of unfamiliar partners, only the seamless communication of step and spin.

Not until the song had ended, Susan realized that many other pairs had started dancing. Caspian brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. Then as the other couples started the next dance, he guided her to the balcony.

Susan laid one hand upon his chest, the other one still in his; she looked straight into his eyes. "I wanted to thank you. Without you, without our love I wouldn't have been able to get through this..." Caspian wiped away a tear that was running down her cheek, resting his hand there.

"I guess all I want to say is that I love you, I love you right up to the moon and back. I have loved you since I have first seen you and I will love you forever." And with this she tiptoed and kissed him.

"You know, eternity is quite a long time." Caspian smirked, pausing the kiss, keeping his face close to Susan's.

"Yeah I know, but I can't think of anyone with whom I would rather like to spend it."

Caspian kissed her again, their bodies abutting against one another as he shifted a hand into her hair to deepen their kiss. When they finally broke apart, they just stood there, arm in arm, enjoying each other presence. After everything they had done, after everything they had gone through to get here, to be here together, they just wanted this moment to never end, even though they knew everything has to come to and end sooner or later - everything except for eternity and their love for each another.

"Are you cold, my love?" Caspian asked worried, noticing her bare shoulders and the cool air. Susan shook her head, "No, I am ... "she paused, searching for the right words, "I am completely and perfectly and incandescently happy."

* * *

_**The End **_

_**So this is it - I hope you liked it - not only the last chapter but the whole story. How did you like its end? Some may have preferred Susan to stay in her own world, finally coming to peace with herself and her story, but I just think that Narnia is the place where she belongs - along with her family, her friends and Caspian...**_

_**So reviews would be great as always ;) - and I would like to thank all who reviewed troughout this story - I really loved to read all of them! So thanks again. **_

_**So I hope I'll hear from you... (don't hesitate to contact me ;)) ... **_

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	9. Epilogue: Finding Peace

_**I have changed my mind - well obviously ;) ... this is dedicated to mae-E and enjoylife1994 ... because you wanted to know how Susan's life on earth ended ... (well it's not really what I intended to write - but this is what came from it ;)) ... thanks again for your reviews... hope you like it..  
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_**Enjoy reading ... **_

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The next morning, when Mrs. Macready guided her white mare through the estate towards the house, she had been living and working in for ages, she immediately noticed that there was something amiss. The sun was shining, the sky bright and blue, and except for the branches and leaves that were lying all over the ground and the destroyed flowerbeds, there were no signs of the thunderstorm that had raged through the estate only hours ago.

But it was something else that sent shivers down Mrs. Macready's spine. The atmosphere, the smell in the air and the silence were irritating. There wasn't any twittering of birds or any rustling of the leaves in the wind.

And the house, even though nothing obvious had changed, just seemed different. When she stepped inside of it through the open-standing door, she noticed shards of a broken vase on the floor. This vase had been Mr. Kirke's favourite, well the only one he ever liked really; there had been a roaring lion on it. But now this lion was broken into thousands of pieces.

Mrs. Macready went upstairs to Susan's room. She knocked quietly on her door and then stepped in. Her bed was empty, but had obviously been used.

On her way down again she came by the room with the wardrobe. The door was standing widely open. When Mrs. Macready looked inside, her breath caught. The wardrobe was gone. The room was completely empty. What had happened here?

As she went down the stairs she called out for Susan, but didn't get an answer, so she went outside once more. Her white mare and the carriage were still standing in front of the house, but now Mrs. Macready could hear twittering of birds and she followed that noise between the trees through the estate.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed when she reached the urge of the noise. In the middle of a clearance Susan's dead body was lying on the ground. The sun was lighting up a small circle around her body and in that same small circle the grass was as verdant green as nowhere on the whole estate. Daisies were blowing all around her and many animals, birds, butterflies and squirrels had assembled around her.

Susan's pale skin was as white as the nightgown she was wearing, her swollen lips as red as blood and her dark curled hair as black as ebony. She had a smile on her face, her body appearing peacefully and contently. It seemed like she was sleeping, but when Mrs. Macready went closer, kneeling down next to the young beautiful woman, she felt the cold that her body radiated and that she was pulseless. She looked like her heart had just stopped beating while she had been sleeping.

And even though the sight of the dead woman's body was sad and depressing, Mrs. Macready had never seen Susan looking that content since the last time she had been here together with her brothers and her sister, nearly ten years ago.

The young woman didn't look like she had died a painful death but rather like she had finally found peace.

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_**Well but now it's definitely over :) - I would like to hear your thoughts about this short epilogue :) ... **_

_**Thanks for reading this story :) **_


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